Shockabuku Zahmahkibo

Between Shockabuku and here Kitty has returned to her home planet. (see Kit's bio) This is where she became pregnant, contracted a strange desiese, and was frozen for a little over 50 years.When she thaws, she is met by her son who dies a short while after. Seeing this future earth hold no place for her, she takes command of the Endurance, a ship Lucas built, and adopts her great grandson Hatchet.

Too Much Happiness Makes Kids Paranoid

"I still don't understand how a woman can fail a sexual harassment test." said Kitty holding fiercely to the steering clutch of the pod.
"I think the answer 'Been there, done that, know where to kick 'em next time' wasn't good enough."
"Oh, as opposed to 'I shoot on the first date anyway.'" Kitty sneered at Simoriah.
Before the argument could develop any further there arose a loud chorus in the back
~ It's a small world after all! It's a small world after all...~
Sim excitedly joins in.
5 MIN.
Kitty was getting sick. Apparently they only knew one verse.
"If you guys don't shut up right now I'm going to fly this thing into a PLANET!"
~It's a small world...~
!CRASH!
The last person to emerge from the murky depths of the oddly familiar lake was Flux. With each step he shook a new limb.
"I'm wet. I'm cold. I'M COLD AND I'M WET!" he raged.
"Flux, you're a cat, you can handle it." Kitty ordered.
"Don't you know water deprives cats of important oils in the fur?"
!!GRANDMA!!
Tenchi bounded across the yard, followed by several female strangers.
"Who are the growths?" Kitty asked about the 4 children clinging to Simoriah's waste.
"Can't breathe...brain no function air without..." Sim gasped. Everyone let go except for Mihoshi, who's a baka anyway.
"Everybody," she began "this is my grandson Tenchi.", she pointed to a 16-17 year-old boy "This thing around my waist is Mihoshi and her partner over there is Kione. They're galaxy police officers. The one with a tail is Ryoko, the prissy one, Aiaka, the little girl is Sasami, and finally, Little Washu!"
"I dare you to say THAT 3x fast!" Hatch exclaimed.
"Hi," Lucas ran a hand through his hair and held it out for Sasami to shake. "I'm Lucas. This is my wife, Kitty."
"And this is my sex bunny." Kitty patted him on the shoulder.
"Sex?" Sasami questioned.
"Oh, my god. They don't have cable. I can tell already." Hatch groaned.
"Anyway," Lucas continued "That is Hatch, and of course you all know Simoriah, or Otsuka, or whatever."
"Hey, what about him?" Aiaka asked pointing to the damp and indignant ball of white tiger fluff.
"Oh, that hairball is Flux."
In the background you could hear the homo felinis tigris cracking his knuckles.
"Commander..." Kitty warned.
"Yes, sir."
"Sir?" Kione bumbled.
"It's a pet name."
"Nice pun." Ryoko complemented.
"Thanks."
"You're going to catch a cold out there, " Katsuhito Masaki grinned coming down the shrine stairs in his young metamorphosis. "Please come inside."
"Yosho!" Simoriah screeched, running to him and jumping on him in her excitement.
"Thanks," Kitty said. "I hope we won't be any trouble."
"Stay as long as you like." Tenchi piped up.
"Arigato." she bowed respectfully.
"So you speak our language!"
"Just a few words."
They went inside and paid a visit to Washu's lab where they all took a turn in her "instant dryer"
"Make yourselves at home!" Yosho offered.
"Whatever you do," Lucas leaned over and whispered to the shrine keeper "Don't let Kitty cook."
After that everyone split into their new groups of friends. Flux and Ryo-oki, the pet cabbit. Washu and Lucas. Tenchi and Hatch, And Kitty and Simoriah were off by themselves.

Sim and Kitty stood at the garden's edge.
"Carrots, miles and miles of carrots. Is that all they have around here?"
"Yep."
"Why?"
"You'll see."

"Meow!" exclaimed Ryo-oki.
"So the garden is grown in your favor? Flux translated.
"Meow."
"Makes me ponder my salary each month."
"ME-ow. Mow. Meow."
"And when they need a spaceship they throw you into the air? And I thought my genes were spliced."

"So, is that your mom?" Tenchi asked as Hatch wiped some of the clear goo-like fuel from his hands.
"Well sorta."
"She acts like one."
"Tell me about it...so, about your Grandmother..."
"Hatchet!" Kitty's voice arose.
"Damn."

"So you can really connect and design dimensions with this machine? Amazing. Simply amazing." Lucas was in awe of Washu's dimension machine.
"Well I AM a genius." Washu reminded.

Three weeks later.
Kitty opened the oven door and a putrid black smoke drifted out choking the Little Oni and herself.
"I think the carrot pizza is done." Sim snickered.
"Carrots, carrots, carrots. That's all we've eaten for weeks." Kitty groaned.
"Don't forget the 'special tea'!"
"I wish the 'special tea' worked for me now."
"I can always whack you over the head with a bottle of it."
"Thanks for the offer."
"Man I can't believe we're not tired of the sake'...I mean 'special tea' too."
"Hold on, is the edited version?"
"Hell no." Ryoko answered walking by naked.
"Anyway, the only other thing is water." Kitty continued.
"Ewwww. Pond water..."Sim shuddered at the thought.
Kitty's brow creased.
"What's wrong asked Sim.
"I just realized something."
"What?"
"Special tea IS the only thing we've drunk in the past three weeks."
"So?"
"So, that means that unless Lucas is dying of dehydration..."
"Oh, no....think we should go get him?"
"I bet you that Washu comes out screaming first."

"Hey Hatch?"
"Yeah Tenchi?"
"I noticed your mom drinks a lot of tea."
"Yeah...so."
"Special tea."
"Well that is all we've got isn't it?"
"No. We've got regular tea too. I keep some hidden. Well, that special tea can't be too good for her. We should switch it on her and she would never notice the difference."
"True dat. True dat."
"True dat?"
"Yeah, man...they've been keeping you hear way too long."

"The pizza's not that bad."
"Once you scrape off the burnt parts."
"The only thing not burnt is the cheese."
"Yeah. Grasshopper cheese isn't that bad."
"True. " Kitty wiped her hands on her jeans and sat at the kitchen table with Simoriah.
"Are you sure it's dead?" Sim poked it with her finger.
"I'm pretty sure."
"Good enough for me."
!OW!
MEOW!!
"Damn it Ryo-oki!" Kitty picked herself up off the floor. "Stay out from under my feet!"
"Meooooow..."
"You deserved it!"
Ryo-oki flicked his little cotton-ball tail at her and "jumped" through the door, outside.
"Damn cabbit." Kitty mumbled.
"Speaking of damn, where's Flux?"
"Still asleep."
"Figures." Simoriah popped a roasted carrot slice and some cheese into her mouth. Kitty did the same.
"It's okay."
"Are your taste buds dead?"
"Shut up."
Kitty grumbled and cut the pizza as best she could.
"Has anyone seen Ryo-oki?" Sasami asked, coming into the kitchen.
"Yeah, he went outside."
"YOU LET HIM GO OUTSIDE?!" Sasami screamed at Kitty and ran out the door in pursuit of the cabbit.
"Good-bye Tenchi's carrot field." Sim chuckled.
"Oh, is that why? You think we should go help them catch him?" Kitty questioned.
"Naw."
"You know, this special tea tastes a little different. I've been drinking it all day."
"Let me se." Simoriah grabbed the glass and examined it's contents, dipping her finger in it and tasting it. Suddenly her eyes popped open in recognition.
THIS IS REAL TEA!
She looked up at Kitty but Kitty wasn't there.
"Kitty?...Kitty?"
WA HOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
The voice came from outside. Everyone ran to the front door to see Kitty romping through the carrot fields buck naked.
"Oh...noo..." Sim groaned.
"DAMN!" Hatch, beside her exclaimed.
Sim quickly clapped her hand over his eyes.
CLICK...CLICK...CLICK...CLICK...CLICK...
Lucas was quickly taking pictures and Simoriah snatched the camera from him. Lucas shrugged and began to strip. He burst through the crowd and joined Kitty in her 'natural' romp.
"CAPITAN!" Flux chocked turning around quickly as he got to the door. Asaka, who had remained silent for the entire trip turned around as well, while Kamadaki gawked like the rest. Sim elbowed him in the stomach and ushered everyone into the house.

Kitty lay dozing in an armchair as Simoriah came into the living room and turned on the T.V.
"Sim?" Kitty groaned.
"Yeah?"
"I had the weirdest dream. I dreamt that someone had switched my special tea with real tea. Then I got crazy and went running around naked outside with Lucas."
"Oh, Really?"
Just then Hatch burst through the door holding a blue envelope of pictures and negatives triumphantly over his head.
THEY'RE FINALLY DEVELOPED!!!
"Hatchet!" Simoriah scolded, taking them from him. "You should be ashamed of yourself! Now Kitty is my friend and I won't let...actually, these are pretty funny!"
Sim flipped through them, laughing.
Kitty stalked over to the Little Oni and snatched the pictures from her.
"HEY!"
Sim got mad, then backed down when she saw Kitty's blood red eyes.
Kitty ripped the envelope and all in half, pulled a lighter out of her swiss army watch and burnt them to ashes. Dropping the pile into the trash can, Kitty went to her room.
"Good thing I got doubles." Hatchet whispered, pulling a 2nd envelope out of his back pocket.
YES!!
*FIN/OWARI*


A Topsy-Turvy Shockabuku Day

The Endurance finished another slide. But this universe is unlike the rest. Instead of an earth in front of them a large glowing gaseous lime throng consumes it's space. Much like the sun only green.
Leisurely and unsuspectingly the Endurance creeps closer to the massive burning emerald ball.

"It looks like a pen." Kitty replied unimpressed. Of course right now it would take a super nova to make her even blink.
"To the untrained eye, yes." Lucas answered his voice sounded more offended than his face. Hatch on the other hand seemed to take it more personally.
"All right, so what does the trained eye see?"
"Ah ha, the trained eye sees it's potential."
"And that would be?"
"I'm getting there. Now where was I?"
"You just push this in," Hatch answered.
"Right. Right. You just push this in and…" he did this revealing…a pen.
"It's a pen."
"Write with it."
"Why? Is it gonna explode or something?"
"No. I hope not, anyway."
"Ensign, you show me."
"Fine." Hatch snatched the pen apparently annoyed by the pace they were going anyway. He pulled out a napkin from his pocket and wrote the letter B. In a few seconds the letter vanished.
"Tadah!" Lucas exclaimed. Kitty only stood there unmoved.
"Disappearing ink."
"Yeah! Isn't it cool!"
"You spent weeks with my ensign to make disappearing ink."
"Well, yeah." Lucas began to feel uncomfortable. He thought she'd get a kick out of it.
"Do you realize we're in the middle of a power struggle? Do you even care who takes on the Endurance after it's over? With the snap of a finger this ship can go all out military instead of exploration. Is that what you want?"
"No."
"Then I suggest, Professor, that you do something a little more constructive with your time than BUILDING INVISIBLE INK PENS!"
"Uh, yes, sir."
"Ensign!"
"Yes sir!"
"I want you to do a diagnostics on the ships oxygen generator. I think it's sprung a leak. Because I know that neither of you would have spent so much valuable time on, on this if it hadn't." With that Kitty left, leaving behind two exasperated crewmen. There was a brief silence in the room.
"Well I like it." Hatch shrugged.

Flux sat intently at the mess table hastily scribbling on a napkin by his tray. He didn't even notice Simoriah looking over his shoulder.
"Whatcha got there?" she finally asked.
"It's a boat."
"A boat? Why are you drawing a boat?"
"I don't know."
"Well are you busy? Can I join you?"
"Yes."
"Yes to what?"
"Well are you busy? Can I join you? Yes."
"What ever." Sim sat down. Her head was about to spin anyway.
"Lady Simoriah!" Kamadakie yelled from far off. Sim rolled her eyes. "Lady Simoriah, do not separate from me again. I thought you were harmed.
"Well I'm not. I a big girl now Kamadakie. I can take care of myself." She looked and sounded annoyed.
"But it is my duty…"
"You know what. I don't give a flying crap what your duty is. I'm getting sick and tired of you FALLOWING ME ALL THE TIME!"
"But Lady Simoriah…"
"Shut up! Just shut the %#@@ up! Don't you have anything better to do! "
"But…"
"I command you to leave!"
"Yes. Lady Simoriah." He bowed.
"And quit calling me lady! I'm lieutenant Simoriah now!" Kamadakie said nothing but broken heartedly left. Flux only sat there giving her an expressive look. If he had eyebrows one of them would be raised.
"What?"
"What was that?"
"He was getting on my nerves."
"You hurt him."
"He'll get over it."
"It harms when you bellow unkind words, Lieutenant."
"So what! Are you my conscience now?"
"Something should be at the moment."
"Ok fine, I'll go apologize."
"Respectable."
"After I eat."
"Well enough." Flux sighed continuing his work.

Kitty steered herself clumsily down the hallway. Her ethics were eating away at her now. "Did I really have to yell at them? I thought it was cute myself." she whined in her brain. "Yes." She argued. "It may seem frivolous now, but maybe they'll think twice before wasting all that time again." She did have a point there. Deep down she didn't mind so much. It was the fact that she needed the ensign almost five times this week to fix things. Then Lucas was busy too. When her best two engineers are tied, and the emergency pod breaks down in the middle of lock-up. Things can get a little topsy-turvy. Topsy-turvy? Where did that come from?
"Neko!" someone called. Kitty turned around. Her eyes widened and-behind her brown contacts-turned black.
"J-Jessi." Kitty sputtered.

Tatsu yelped and ran behind a table leg.
"Oh yeah! Well you're not my father!" Hatch fumed storming away. Lucas' face was red. A color it hadn't been in a long time.
"Damn, I regret all those times I was a smart-ass to Nathan," he mumbled glaring up at the ceiling. "I'll bet you're laughing your head off right now." Tatsu emerged slowly and crept to Lucas' leg. He whimpered. "Hi guy." Lucas said picking up the tiny dragon and rubbing him between the eyes. It made both of them feel better. "Thanks" He thought to himself a moment. "Hey." he smiled. "Go work your magic on Hatch. Make him feel better too." Tatsu licked Lucas and squirmed to the floor. Then rushed outside.

Flux had just finished his boat when he was tapped lightly on the shoulder.
"Excuse me," a female voice purred. Flux turned around. The most stunning sight that had ever been born filled his golden yellow eyes. She was half human-half white Bengal but all woman. "I'm new here. I was wondering if you could help me."
"Of course," Flux dropped everything, stood up, and bowed.
"Thank you."

Sim was about to apologize but she couldn't find Kamadakie anywhere. She did find Aquene. Sitting alone with her quarter's door open. Poor girl. She lost almost everything. Kitty only managed to save her. Sim had attempted to talk with her a few times, but she always snapped back about being left alone. Ha! Like that was going to stop her.
"Hey Aquene!"
"Go away."
"You sure?"
"Yes!"
"Fine." At least she tried.

Kitty stood there like a statue.
"Neko? What's wrong?"
"No. You're not real. You can't be. I'm hallucinating," she explained to herself.
"Neko? Is this a joke? It's not funny." Kitty reached out and touched the blonde child. Solid. "Neko? How did you get so tall?"
"You can't be here. You're dead. You died. A car…you got hit…I saw your body…you can't be here." Kitty began to hyperventilate as she backed into a wall. "No. NO!"
Everyone began to stare at her strangely now. She couldn't tell if they didn't see the manifestation, or they were wondering way she was freaking out over a ten year old. None the less she couldn't calm down. Her heart struggled to keep up with her breath. Then she blacked out.

"Captain!" Hatch yelled. He came just in time to see her pass out. Frantically he began shake her. "Captain, wake up!" The captain's eyes opened slowly then fluttered around the room.
"Where is she?"
"Where's who, sir?"
"Jessi! Where's Jessi?"
"Jessi who?"
"You know who, Marx. You're sister. Where is she?"
"Captain, I don't have a sister."
"Of course you do. And why are you calling me captain? Is it some new game you made up?"
"No, sir. No game. Let me get you a MED ok."
"Med? Who's that?"
"Oh God."

"It's a big ship."
"Correct. The Endurance can house up to five million creatures," informed Flux.
"Wow. Do you know where the main control room is?"
"Yes."
"Take me please."
"Of course."

With Marx's help Kitty managed to stand. Now if she could just find Jessi.
"You never did tell me where your sister went."
"Captain, I told you. I don't have a sister." There was Marx being silly again.
"Marx, c'mon I need to see her."
"Mom," the boy whispered uneasily. "You're starting to scare me. It's me Hatchet." His hazel eyes pleaded her to understand. Why was Marx being so persis…HATCH!
"Ensign."
"Yes!"
"I thought you were…never mind. I need some sleep."
"I'll say."

Simoriah still couldn't find Kamadakie. Though she knew she should, she didn't feel bad about it. Curious? Not by a long shot. She felt better, and that was all that mattered. During her short cruise through the ship she saw Flux escorting another GELF H.B. She could tell he was enthused. How sweet. Far be it from her to interrupt them. And there's such a thing as a big fat guy in red who rides around in a sleigh with only twelve flying reindeer pulling it.
"Yo Flux!" Apparently reluctant he turned. "Who's the friend?"
"Cares. And you?"
"Ot…Simoriah."
"Otsimoriah. I'm pleased to meet you."
"Uh, just Simoriah."
"Justsimoriah then. How numerous names you have."
"Yeah. Right. I'll leave you two alone then."

Kitty sat on her bed. "What is wrong with you?" she wondered aloud, getting up to pace around the room. Ok so maybe she was a little more worried than she should be. This sort of thing happens to her every day.
"Neko." Oh no. Kitty turned to face the blond ten year old. She knew her eyes were black as a hole in space. "Neko? You're scared."
"It's been over 80 years. I'm going to be a little frightened," Kitty's voice shook as if she wanted to cry. But then again, she did.
"Don't be scared, Neko. Please don't be scared." Against every natural impulse in her body Kitty began to relax. She could feel her eyes glaze and soften to a neutral brown. Her mouth hung numbly open with the daze. KNOCK! KNOCK! She shot back to reality. Her now black eyes shifting hurriedly around the room. No sign of Jessi, and Kitty was sitting up in bed. Knock, knock, knock.
"Yes?"
"It's Lucas."
"Enter." He did.
"Hatch told me what happened. Are you all right?" Lucas' eyes were there normal inquisitive blue. Somehow Kitty felt better just to look into them.
"Physically I'm fine. Mentally I'm stuck on the freeway in a traffic jam, during a volcanic eruption, living off one gummi-bear and two minutes sleep in the past month, with three flat tires and a gas tank that is way past empty," Kitty answered. Lucas only laughed as he sat by her side. Soothingly he wrapped his arm around her.
"Tell me about it."
"I keep seeing my best friend Jessi."
"Thought I was your best friend?"
"You are. Jessi was my best friend before you."
"What is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. Jessi was just my friend…"
"I don't have to listen to this!" With that Lucas stormed out. Under normal circumstances Kitty would have wondered what was wrong with him, and since for shockabuku these conditions are common she did.
"What's eating him?"

Simoriah stared at the outsized luminous jade mass. Was she the only person who saw it? And why was she alone on the bridge? Where was Flux? She called him up there almost an hour ago. Hatch was missing too. Usually he wasn't far behind her. Kitty wasn't in attendance. Habitually she was always near the bridge. (Lucas wasn't there either, but she could care less about him.)
"Where is everybody?" she mumbled. Then a thought came to her. If she didn't do something soon the entire ship was going to fly into that thing. "Where is EVERYBODY!"

Kitty got up. For some reason she just had a sudden urge to go look at the bridge view screen. Walking out she couldn't understand why. When she arrived her eyes turned black for the third time today.
"What the hell is that?" Kitty wondered aloud. Abruptly she was attacked by a more than startled saiya-jin. "Simoriah, let go of me." She paid no attention.
"Thank God! I thought I'd be alone forever! Where were you! What happened! What are we gonna do!"
"Can't breath," Kitty mustered out. Immediately Sim let go. Kitty gasped.
"Sorry, captain. Some times I forget how strong I am. If you like I can always apologize like the Yukuza, by cutting off the pinky finger on my left hand."
"S'ok." she breathed. "Nothings broken…I hope. Hey, why are we alone?"
"I don't know. I called generals quarters but no one showed up. What's going on?"
"I was about to ask you the same thing."

Commercial Break
go have a snack or something.
Every one was at the bridge now. Hatch continued to type at the computer a serious expression on his face, Lucas was in the corner sulking because Simoriah lost her temper and called him a wuss, Flux sat in the corner by himself with a dazed expression, Aquene just stared at the green star, and Tatsu was shivering behind Kitty's leg. So far the forlorn Captain Katherin Berlow was the only one acting normal. (Of course each and every one of them thought they were conducting themselves as usual.)
"What is it, ensign?"
"It appears that the star is what is making everyone act strange."
"I'll buy that. I can't think of any reason else why I feel like I'm hitchhiking with my thumb in the air, wearing a goofy grin and a sign that reads: "Here"." Hatch gave her an unfeeling type look and continued.
"Apparently in this dimension the sun supernova'd wiping out all life."
"So how is it effecting us?"
"Neko!" Oh God. "Not now!" she snapped at her late friend.
"Sir?"
"Nothing. Just answer my question."
"Neko? What are you doing?"
"Can't you just leave me alone!"
"Captain?"
"Not you ensign. Continue."
"But Neko?" Kitty whipped around and glared at the ghost.
"Will you shut up?" She faced Hatch again. "As you were saying."
"I'm lost, captain."
"Yeah were all lost, resolve my inquiry."
"No, I mean your confusing me. Which one do you want me to answer?"
What do you mean which one? I only asked you one question."
"No you asked me three."
"Then answer the one about the star."
"Which one?"
"Why is it effecting us?"
"Oh, why didn't you ask that one in the first place? The ship uses star light to generate the light here."
"So it's solar powered."
"Yes. Some of it."
"Ensign, can you redirect the solar energy? Y'know so it wont get inside the ship."
"Yes." Hatch pushed a few buttons and the lights went out. Simoriah screamed.
"I didn't mean cut the power off, ensign."
"You should have been more specific." He began another series of buttons. In the dark Kitty could see the glowing figure of Jessi waving.
"Goodbye, Neko." The lights came back on and Jessi was gone.
"Ensign I want you to plot a course. I want as far out of this dimension as possible."
"Yes, sir," he replied in his own cheery voice.
Fin


Everything is Topsy-Turvy.
How'd the world get all swirly?
A day for the inane,
an hour for the insane.
Everything is Topsy-Turvy.

Between here and there Kitty meets up with Lex. Lex is her evil double who controls the Destroyer, a paralel to the Endurance. The Endurance has no offensive weapons while the Destroyer s covered in them. Lex prooves to be Kitty's arch nemesis in the quest for the Lightening Ice Stone. The stone ultimatly picks Kit over her and she swears her revenge on the Endurance and its captian. Lex knows that Kit is the key double so if she dies all of her doubles die, but who says she has to die? Torture is and ming f****** is Lex's specialty.

Human Lab Rats
* translations at the end

"What would you say if I told you I have a lethal weapon to sell?"
"I'd say I was interested." The man looked to Lex with a firm idea of double-cross.
"A gas. Colorless. Odorless. Undetectable."
"What does it do?"
"It triggers hatred," she replied dramatically.
"Is that the best you could do?" He said putting down his drink, and getting closer to her. A lure of passion in the air.
"You've never seen hatred. I can show you hate so potent it can make your head spin, and while it's spinning everyone around you is going insane…or is that you? I know hatred so putrid, that a person would brutally murder its target and laugh when it was finished. Ecstatic to have the evil that inflicted their soul, their very being, for so long to be gone. So now they can live in freedom. That is hatred, and I have captured it, patented it, and stuck it in a little pill. Drop one it in an enemy camp and a guarantee no one will be alive by the time your men get there."
"Prove it."
"I already have a subject in mind." The heat grew fierce as they kissed.

Hatch lay there, a pair of sunglasses on his face, in the tropical sun, Flux was not to far from him sound asleep in a position only a cat could pull off, Kitty and Simoriah sat in the shade under the trees connected to a forest, and Lucas had been missing for days now.
They had been stuck there for weeks, no food, no shelter, just a broken pod, water purifier, and an optimistic attitude kept them all alive.
"Chikushou, atsui tsurete naraku daun korede!" Kitty whined.
"You said it." Sim agreed. "Hey! since when do you speak Japanese?"
"I don't," Kitty shrugged.
"At least we'll all have golden tans when we get back home," Hatch put in.
"Easy for you to say! You don't turn GREEN!" Ok, so maybe Hatch was the only one being optimistic.
"Get out of the sun before you burn," Kitty told him. Hatch stood up and tapped Flux with his foot. The GELF H.B. didn't even twitch.
"Is he dead? Can we eat him?" Sim go excited.
"No!" exclaimed Kitty.
"He's not dead. He's still purring." Hatch lifted his head from the beast's chest.
"If he dies of some unexpected accident can we eat him?"
"No!"
"Shimatta."
"I thought saiya-jin's didn't eat." Hatch replied.
"No, saiya-jin's eat like humans. I only eat like a snake, and it's been a MONTH!"
"It's only been three weeks, Simoriah."
"Well it feels like a month."
"C'mon lets just get back to the pod." She got up and stretched. "Kujiku o-ba."
"Now you're starting to freak me out."
They had been tying to fix the pod since their arrival. Together Lucas and Hatch adapted most of the materials on the island to use as parts for it. Sim peered over Hatch's shoulder.
"Why don't you just take out the flouty ball thingy and put it in the round what-chya-ma-call-it over there?" she wondered. Hatch jumped hitting his head on the pod's hood.
"How long have you been standing there?"
"Long enough to know you could construct an atom bomb with a rubber band and a couple of cocoanuts."
"Well it would be going a lot smoother if Dad were here."
"Who? Lucas?"
"Yeah, the professor."
"You called him dad."
"Did I?"
"Yes."
"Hunger must be getting to me."
"I think it's sweet."
"What?"
"That you called him dad."
"I guess so."
"Why don't you ever call him that to his face?"
"I dunno. I never had a dad before. Guess I'm just not used to saying it."
"You did a few minutes ago."
"So I did."

Kitty watched the two from a distance. I f things weren't so different (and Sim weren't so old) she would have thought they made a cute couple. 'Would have' being the operative words.
"Hey." Kitty whipped around.
"Lucas! Where have you been!"
"I went for my migraine medication and got lost."
"Why didn't you tell anybody?" she shrieked.
"I wasn't planning on getting lost!"

"Lucas is back," replied Simoriah.
"How can you tell?"
"I can here them yelling."

"You still should have told someone!" she exclaimed. Lucas was about to say something but stopped.
"I am too tired and hungry for this," he faltered rubbing his forehead.
"I'm sorry, Lucas. Did you find them?"
"Yeah." he grinned holding up the pill.
"Well why didn't you take it?"
"I didn't have anything to wash it down."
"Compleo." she mumbled.
" I didn't know you spoke Latin."
"I don't."

With Lucas back they managed to fix the pod and get back to the Endurance…with one exception.
"Hey? Where's Flux?"

They evaporated him aboard. He was still dead to the world. After everyone had their check-ups they were all ready for a good nights sleep (or weeks, whichever came first).
"Hey Lucas. Did you ever take that pill?"
"Oh yeah. I'd forgotten."
"Nullus cerebrum."
"I do too have a brain!"

Kitty put on the first fresh pair of clothes since the crash. Sleep was the last thing on her mind right now. She turned on the stereo and began to sing along with the music. She stopped at the mirror. She heard what she was saying in English…but her lips didn't match her words.
"Dude, I really am bilingual. Fresco. I just thought they were making fun of my English.
The door slammed open. Kitty jerked. Lucas?
"Oh it's you," she breathed. "Don't do that. You scared me half to…" Kitty abruptly stopped; gazing, her head cocked, at the wild gaze in his ever-blue eyes. "Lucas?" He didn't answer. Kitty's ears perked at the sound of ray gun energizing.
"Well, infierno, Lucas. If you're going to kill me at least make it look like a suicide. Here I'll show you. She took the hand holding the gun, and placed it at her temple. "I'm left-handed so make sure you aim it just right." Lucas looked confused. "Gelide." she whipped around to the table, and stealthily pushed the button under it. Lucas still said nothing. He only aimed the gun to her head.
"What did I tell you?" she reprimanded leaping over the bed. "Suicide…no at this rate they'll never buy it. Dokkoi!" She began to throw things around her quarters. "If we make it look like a struggle they'll either think I was assassinated, or pitched a really big fit before I killed myself. There wouldn't be a fight if it were someone I trusted." She ripped her clothes a little. "Or a rape? Yeah, rape is good. They would be looking so much into my past, they'd never think of my own husband." Lucas still looked confused, his head tilted to the side. Suddenly he punched her mouth. Kitty flopped back a few feet and wriggled her sore jaw. "Ooo, abuse. That's a nice one. Keep them on their toes. All right now soot me." Silence. "Well what are you waiting for? SHOOT ME!" Lucas was about to pull the trigger when the door burst open. Simoriah, Asaka, and Kamadakie stood in the doorway. No one moved…well except Lucas.
"Do you mind?" Lucas finally spoke putting his arm around Kitty's shoulder. "The little wife and I were having a discussion." His voice was strained to match his insane look. He laughed and kissed Kitty. "Mmm. Tastes like chicken." She pushed him away.
"What's gotten into you?" she asked losing her cool.
"Me? What's gotten into me?" He flew the gun at her head. "You're the one who told me to make it look like a suicide."
"I was stalling, ignoramus. " Lucas laughed again.
"Ya know, leave it to Kitty to back mouth the one with the gun." he reemphasized his remark by pushing the nozzle deeper into her skin. In the split second Lucas was moving his arm she grabbed it and gave him an Indian burn. The gun fell to the ground where Kamadakie readily snatched it. Asaka helped refrain Lucas from any violent intentions by holding him back.
"Take him to MED." Kitty commanded. Lucas sneered.
"I'll get you my pretty," He looked to Sim. "And your little dog too!" he cackled. He whispered something in Sim's ear. Kitty pulled Sim back.
"How dare he! Let me kill him!"
"What did he say?" Kitty asked.
"He said I look fat in this uniform!"

"Jibunkatte oban." Kitty let go of her.
"I am not self-centered!"

Kitty stood at the MED door.
"I don't understand why I don't get to go in there? I'm a certified doctor." Kitty whined. "They let the husband be there when the woman gives birth, why can't the wife be there when the man has a nervous break down?"
"I don't think it's the same thing, mom." Hatch replied.
"Close enough." Sim quipped. Dr. Karr walked into the MED waiting room. Kitty rushed to her.
"Well?"
"We're not certain what it is yet."
"Not certain?"
"We can't find anything, but what ever it is I think his bodies trying to develop an immunity. I suggest we move him to the brig until it does."
"Fine." Kitty agreed.

After Lucas was moved, Kitty went back to her quarters. What else could she do? Though she worried for Lucas she still hadn't slept, and what good would a brain dead captain be?
She walked in and sat on her bed. "Life was one big roller-coaster ride." Kitty explained to herself. "It has ups and downs. The ups are the smooth parts, but they can only go up so far. The farther up they go, the farther down you have to fall." Ok so this wasn't the most positive outlook to have right now, but she did make a point…
"Kitty don't get all philosophical on me now," she complained to herself as her head lay on the pillow.

Sim watched the monitors. A picture of Lucas sitting on the chair was at all angles.
"How come there aren't any guards?" she asked her cousin. Looking at the picture of the door.
"There are camera's all over the brig. We shouldn't need any."
"Oya!" She dashed to the brig door. Dr. Karr fallowed. "Unlock it!"
"What? Why?"
"You don't understand! Lucas is…was a hacker!"
"Oh no." Trinity opened the door. Lucas was gone.

For the third time today the door opened. Lucas again.
"How did you get out?"
"That was the easy part. This is the easier one." He lifted the ray gun again.
"What? This again? Talk about deja-vu."
"Y'know I'm getting sick and tired of you not taking me seriously!"
"What? I take you seriously."
"And I'm tired of you lying all the time about how you feel about me!"
"I have never lied about how I feel towards you," her voice grew serious.
"Don't give me that. I know It's just a ploy."
"A ploy?"
"You say you love me just so you don't have to be alone." He looked ready to cry.
"Lucas. Listen to yourself, you know that is not true."
"I am not a child. I do not think like a child. I do not act like a child. I don't appreciate being treated like a CHILD!" He dropped the gun, sagged to the ground, and began to cry. Kitty got up and sat down beside him, holding him, trying to comfort his aching soul. Then all of the sudden her stomach sprung with pain. She looked down. A knife, Lucas' knife, was lodged into her abdomen. Blood oozed into its gem incrusted surface.
"Great," Kitty thought. "Now he'll never get that thing clean." She blacked out.

"We're too late!" Sim swallowed.
"I want some MED's down here stat!" Dr. Karr said into her speaker. Asaka and Kamadakie attempted to seize Lucas, but he got the gun before they could. Again all was silent.
"I'm almost free!" he snickered aiming it at Simoriah. "Now it's your turn."
"Dad…" an unbelieving voice came from nowhere. Hatch gazed at the pale, bleeding captain. "Dad, you killed Mom." He looked angry. "You murdered Mom!" Sim put her hand on his chest to keep Hatch in one place. Lucas looked down as if just now realizing what he'd done. The gun dropped, and the guard's had no problem taking him away.

Sim filled in the details to the injured Captain Katherin Berlow.
"Leave it to a kid to make someone realize reality," Kitty whispered.
"I am not a kid," Hatch complained softly, a smile on his face. Dr. Karr walked in, her expression showed how proud she was.
"How is he?" Kitty asked immediately her voice stronger than it had been in a while. She attempted to sit up, but the pain was too much. She tried to hide her groan and grimace with a cough.
"As I expected, his body built immunity. He should be fine now."
"Good." She nodded to Sim and she walked out with Trinity. Now it was just Hatch and Kitty.
"I don't get it, Mom. He almost killed you. How can you not be mad at him?"
"I don't know, Hatch. Love just works like that."
"So when do you think you can come back on duty?"
"That's just it. Officially I still am."
"You didn't let Sim report?"
"No."
"Why not…wait I know love right?"
"No. If I did we'd have to throw him off. Then who would we pick on, on those long pod trips?"
Fin

Translations
"Chikushou, atsui tsurete naraku daun korede!"- "Damn, hot as hell down here!"
"Shimatta."- "Damn it!"
"Kujiku o-ba."- "Breaks over."
"Compleo."-"Men."
"Nullus cerebrum."- "No brain."
Fresco- Cool
"Well, infierno, Lucas.- "Well, hell, Lucas.
"Gelide." - "Weak."
Dokkoi!"- Hold on!"
"Jibunkatte, oban."- "Self-centered, bitchy old hag."
"Oya!"- "Oh!"


A Wocky Wonderland

Lucas' eyes shot open. Every iota of blue was riddled with sheer raw fear. He jumped out of bed and bound to MED.
Over shooting the door to Kitty's room, he fell and slipped a little down the hall. This didn't stop him. He sprung up bearing the slight pain in his ankle, and quickly limped through her door.
"Oh God," he almost didn't get out. Kitty just lay there, still and pale. "Oh God, oh God, oh God…" he repeated continuously, putting his face on her stomach, as he slipped to the floor beside her.

Kitty's eyes opened. She peered down to Lucas.
"What are you doing? You're getting the sheet all wet."
"I'm so sorry. I-I killed you. I poisoned the knife with frog venom. I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
"Lucas, get a hold of yourself, and stop sobbing. I can't hear a word your saying." In response he lifted his head.
"I said I poi…you're ALIVE!"
"Of course I'm alive."
"But, but I poisoned the blade. Frog venom is lethal."
"Frog venom?"
"Yes."
"Frog venom is natural." Lucas said nothing, but you could tell he was ready to beat himself up. "Don't worry about it. I'm glad you finally decided to visit. I was wondering when you were going to get up the nerve." Kitty smiled, and so did Lucas. Though neither said a word it was clear that all was forgiven.

The lights went out.
"Acerbus fors fortis."(Bitter Luck)
"What happened?" Lucas wondered. Kitty sat up. The pain in her groin was immense. The wound hadn't fully healed (which in her case was odd).
"What are doing?" Lucas sounded worried.
"I don't know about the rest you, but I cannot bring myself to use a bedpan. I've got to go."
"Aren't you worried about the power?"
"What about it?"
"It went out."
"Well so it did. Oh well. I can find the bathroom in the dark."
"Kitty, if the power is gone that means no more bathroom. You'll just have to wait and relieve your bladder later."
"Bladder." she giggled. "That's funny. Try and say it without smiling."
"Bladder." His concerned face didn't change.
"See there you go all one, two, three of you."
"Uh right." Lucas put his hand on her forehead. She didn't have a fever. "Hey can we get some assistance in here?" he called out. The emergency lights came on as Dr. Karr walked in.
"What is it?"
"Wow. Everything's all wocky." Kitty mumbled waving her hand in front of her face.
"Kitty's gone all weird on me." Lucas answered.
"Oh that's normal. I gave her some painkillers they should be taking effect now. She'll be a little disoriented."
"What did you give her?"
"Don't worry. It's caffeine free and all natural."
"All natural?"
"Yes of course. I only use only herbal products."
"Well doctor, I'm afraid to inform you that herbs and things have no effect on the captain. Didn't you check any background at all?"
"That's hard to do for someone who up until a year ago never existed on record."
"Didn't you ask Simoriah?"
"Yes. I thought she was joking."
"Y'know. You two make such a cute couple. You should really get together sometime." As Kitty said this her voice sounded as if she were high.
"I'm married." Lucas answered.
"Then I'll bet your wife is just as jealous as she can be."
"You're my wife."
"I am? Well then don't worry. I'm not jealous. You two go on ahead and get together, and I'm just gonna take a nap now."
Dr. Karr came towards her with something. As soon a Kitty saw it she jumped up and scrambled to the other end of the bed.
"NEEDLE!"
"What are you doing?" Lucas reprimanded.
"I'm taking some blood."
"What for?"
"The machines aren't working. I have to do this by hand."
"NO! NO NEEDLES!"
"Can't you just do it later? After we can get the machines back online."
"I suppose, but lord knows how she'll be by then."
"No needles?"
"No. No needles."
"Phew," she settled down.

An hour had gone past. Lucas had reluctantly gone off to help fix the ship. Simoriah sat with the stark raving Kitty now. What fun. One more thing crossed her mind though. Why is it Kitty always manages to lose her sanity in a time of crisis? Maybe she was psychic and couldn't take the pressure? She looked at Kitty. The girl was pushing her face into the sheet and sucking in to reveal a mouth hole. No, she was definitely just lucky.
"Look Simmy." Kitty got her attention. "I'm a ghost." While she said this, the sheet was still inhaled in her mouth.
"Yeah, that's nice." How long did Lucas say it would take him?
Just then someone opened the door. Kitty pulled the sheet down cleared her throat and tried to make herself look presentable.
"Captain. You're wanted on the bridge."
"Captain?"
"Uh." Sim threw her hand onto Kitty's mouth. "She'll be there in a minute." The crewmen nodded then left. "Don't tell me you've lost your memory again?"
"Memory? You spoony bard. Of course I haven't…I hope." Sim stopped a moment. She only knew of one person who ever used that term.
"Reiki?"
"Yeah Tish?"
"Oyaoya!" She exclaimed. Now she knew why Kitty was so familiar to her. The face, the voice, it was her! It was really her!
"Where are we now? This isn't some sort of fancy jail is it? What did you do?"
"I didn't do anything, Reiki." she almost cried.
"Ok, so what did I do?"
"Not a thing."
"Then why…"
"I'll explain everything."

"Ok, so let me get this straight. I'm a captain? So when did I get promoted?"
"You didn't. Kitty did. You're not you, Reiki. Your Kitty just acting like Reiki." Sim answered almost as if were reassuring herself more than clearing up the situation.
"Fatisha, you're confusing me."
"My name's not Fatisha anymore. It's Simoriah."
"Oh I get it now. If I'm Kitty playing Reiki, then you must be Fatisha playing Simoriah…or would it be Fatisha playing, Simoriah playing Fatisha…oh now I'm all confused again!"
"You're telling me," Lucas said from behind. Standing with him was Dr. Karr.
"Professor, perhaps maybe you should stand outside."
"Helloooo Professor," Kitty almost whistled.
"Let him stay, Trinity. I don't wanna have to explain this three times."
"Good thing. We were here for the first time," Lucas quipped. Sim gave him a sneer.
"Kitty," began the doctor.
"Reiki."
"Reiki, I'm going to do a mental scan. I want you to relax."
"Mental scan? What the makai is that?!"
"It's just a mind reading. Totally painless."
"I don't care about the pain. What if you screw something up?"
"I won't now relax."
"No! I don't want any heboisha in my head! So they can fakku around with my personal daiben!"
"Kitty…"
"Reiki!"
"Let me handle this," replied Simoriah. She stepped up to the frightened late soldier, waved her hand in front of the girls face, and…BAM!"
Kitty lay there unconscious, a red mark on her forehead of where Sim's palm had once been.
"Used to that was the only way to calm her down. In battle she was fearless, you stick her in front of a doctor and some needles, and if you didn't knock her out first. She'd do it for you."
"Heh, sounds like Kitty. She used to be scared to death of doctors too…'till she became one." Lucas told them.
"Quiet, I'm trying to concentrate."

One hour. Not a word was exchanged. Once Tatsu poked his head inside, but Lucas silently sent him off.
Two hours. Lucas and Simoriah both grew restless and began entertaining each other. "Paper, rock, scissors…"
Three hours. Lucas tears off the sleeve of his shirt that he had just washed and began to make something out of it. Sim continuously blew an aggravating hair out of her face.
Four hours. The two toss around the paper football Lucas made. It sailed back and forth across the room until Kitty's arm shot up and caught it. She sat up and the doctor came back to the world.
"Chikushou. Stiffest cloth I've ever seen." she announced, tossing it up into the air and catching it.
"Amazing. The captain here is living proof of reincarnation. She subconsciously remembers everything. They're really interesting."
"I knew you didn't have that much patience, Trinity." Sim said.
"Did you bring her back?"
"See that's the problem. They all stop with Reiki."
"So you mean…"
"Kitty may not be with us anymore."

"I'm a widow," Lucas almost sarcastically mumbled.
"Lucas, the universe does not revolve around you y'know," Sim growled, she looked exasperated.
"Are you calling my mother a liar?"
"Guys, guys chill. If you're gonna fight at least let me sell tickets first. Nancy boy vs. Queen Kong. It'll be a smash." As Reiki said this she slapped her arms on their shoulders.

"So let me get this together here. This is a bar, and it doesn't sell any alcohol. Spoony bards."
"Is that a rhetorical statement, captain?" the bartender wondered.
"I ain't you're captain! My name's Reiki! How many times do I have to tell you people?"
"Uh, yes, sir."
"And why do you keep calling me sir? I don't even look like a guy anymore!"
"It's a pet name, Reiki. Don't worry about it." Hatch whispered aloud. "Thanks for finding my aunt. The captain was wondering where she went. Wouldn't you know it, she packs to leave and visit her sister and Reiki leaves to come her. Guess it's true what they say about twins. C'mon Aunt Reiki." Hatch hastily grabbed the woman and drug her outside.
"Mom, what has gotten into you?" Hatch reprimanded.
"Look kid, I don't know who you are, but I ain't you're mom."
"Yeah, I know that…What do you mean you don't know who I am?"
"Reiki!" Sim ran up to them.
"Hey, Fatisha, did you know they don't serve sake?"
"Yes, c'mon."
"Hey you're a kid. You got any hard liquor on ya?"
"Uh, if I say yes will I get in trouble?"
"Naw man. Just be straight up."
"In that case…no! Not much anyway…"
"Reiki!"
"Sorry kid. Maybe next time." She fallowed Sim.
"Sim!" Hatch yelled after them. "Is there something I don't know about?"
"Here we go again," Reiki sighed.

"Ok. I'm sorry, but you officially lost me," Hatch was flustered.
"We need to see if we can trigger her memory somehow," Trinity explained to Lucas as they walked in.
"I gotta idea!" Reiki announced. She grabbed the collar of Lucas' shirt and kissed him. "Nope nothin. Sorry, Nancy boy." She pushed him a little more than gruffly from her, which didn't matter because he had to sit down anyway.
"Why don't we just smack her in the head really hard?" Hatch threw in.
"No way kid!"
"Actually that wouldn't work because it wasn't a knock in the cranium that triggered it." Trinity answered.
"That's right, she just sort f slipped into it," Sim replied.
"Reiki, what the last memory you had?" Lucas asked out of the blue.
"I was in a hospital bed…"
"No before that."
"We had just defeated Freeza's army, and I was shouting at the rooftops about it. When…"
"When what?"
"When I lost balance and fell."
"You were drunk Reiki. You were intoxicated when you fought Freeza's army too." Sim finished for her. Silence awkwardly filled the room.

"You guys actually wear this stuff?" Reiki replied tugging on the blue uniform.
"Yeah. Ok good at least now you look the part. Lets see if you can act it. A terrorist is threatening to destroy a nearby planet, unless we negotiate terms of trade with him. What do you do?"
"Blow the crap outta 'em"
"Wrong! Kitty would never do that unless she went insane. Besides, the Endurance doesn't have any offensive weapons."
"What? Well that sucks don't it."
"Another thing is you're accent. You have to talk like her. She hardly ever uses slang, and if the swears it's in another language. She uses very proper English on the bridge. She stands straight, shoulder back, and articulates her words clearly when she gives a command."
"Whoa! Wait a minute! This is gettin' too much."
"But if you can't act like her how do you expect to pull this off?"
"Did it occur to you I don't wanna pull this off? Kitty ain't with us no more. The heboisha told us that. It's Reiki now. Reiki." She pronounced her name the second time slowly.
"I know that, but there are too many citizens and crewmembers that look to her. She has a way of making everyone feel safe."
"I don't give a flying fakku what the crew thinks. I'm not gonna be anyone but Reiki for anybody! I like me! And this Kitty chick ain't me!"
"Reiki you've got to understand…"
"Understand? I'll understand you right here and now! C'mon!" she balled up her fists and began to move back and forth like a kick boxer.
"I'm not going to fight you."
"What why not?" she whined. "Wait, don't answer that. I know why. 'Cause you're soft. You've gotten soft." Sim scowled and punched her. Reiki flopped back a few inches and wiped off the blood oozing from her mouth. "All right! Let's go! Just you and me!"
"No. I already regret doing it the first time."
"Why not? Fatisha would."
"I'm not Fatisha any more."
"Yeah, and I ain't Kitty." she smiled calming down.

"Yo! Nancy boy!" Reiki exclaimed hugging him and patting his back. "How ya been!"
"Uh, fine?"
"Good, good. So! You gotta shadow on you or what?" She gestured behind him.
"Uh…" Lucas turned around. Everyone laughed. "What?" He felt his back and pulled off a sign that read: "2cm tool" and had arrows pointing up and down. "Funny," he retorted.
"I thought so." Reiki snickered. "You're a push-off ain't ya?"
"A what?"
"Push-off. It's a term we used for anyone who was weaker than us. Which back then was everybody." Sim informed smiling.
Just then the door opened. Flux stood there his eyes slightly widened and his face puffed out.
"Nande yo?"
"That's Flux our commander," Lucas told her. Flux stepped inside.
"Hey there're two of 'em!" The other GELF H. B. pushed Flux into Hatch.
"Caress?" Sim mumbled.
"A present from Lex the controller," she sneered lifting the gun to Reiki's head. The shot rang in the air. Reiki jumped over as it skid across her arm.
"Hey you spoony bard! That hurt!" she yelled her head lowered as she bull dozed into the assailant. The woman slammed into the wall knocking them both out cold.

Kitty's eyes opened. She lifted her head, but was forced to delicately lay it back down. It was all foggy and the lights in her brain were dim.
"How the okibi did I get a concussion?"
"It's ok Reiki," Dr. Karr comforted.
"Reiki? Who's Reiki?"
"Kitty is that you?" Lucas held her hand.
'Kitty? I'm Zarbok queen of the pig people," she moaned. Though her vision was blurred she could see the looks on their faces. Kitty cracked a smile. She felt Lucas' grip lighten and she knew they had gotten the joke.
"So I take it you remember," Sim replied.
"Yeah. It was like I was watching myself be an asshole and couldn't do anything about it. I remember a lot of other things too. Stuff I shouldn't. They're all me, but they're not. They look like me, but they don't. It's like whole knew lives. Like a cat. One of 'em was a cat. You die once and you can come back nine, ten times over. Time and space and everything." she babbled.
"She explains things as good as you do Sim," Lucas cracked. She hit him in the shoulder.
"Perhaps we should leave the captain to rest." Dr. Karr recommended. They filed out as Kitty lay there staring into space.
"The worlds all wocky again…"
Fin